'He raped me. And I told no one.' Stories of sexual assault

• Author: Jennifer O'Connell
• Published date: 17 July 2021
• Publication title: Irish Times: Web Edition Articles (Dublin, Ireland)

Readers may find some of the content in this article – in which women and men share experiences of sexual assault – distressing.

"I am old enough to know that there are very few women my age that have not been subjected to some form of sexual assault, and I know this because I am one of them."

With these words Minister of State for Special Education Josepha Madigan shared her experience in the Dáil recently of surviving sexual assault.

In the days that followed, Irish Times readers came forward to tell their own stories, some putting into words for the first time something that happened years or decades ago.

The stories came and kept coming, more than 40 in all: stories of assault on the street, in bars, in homes, in taxis, at parties, in hotel rooms, in their own beds, on a GP's examination table.

There were stories of one-off assaults on darkened streets, but these were rarer than the stories of abuse at the hands of someone trusted. Many people carried the shame of their assault for years, despite understanding on an intellectual level it was never theirs to carry. Rape myths run deep in our psyches.

The women and men who wrote spoke of anger, distress, survival and hope. "You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be a survivor. I choose to be a survivor," said one woman, raped as a 14-year-old.

As we publish some of those stories, Madigan and Noeline Blackwell, chief executive of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, suggest how we move on from stories to action.

Though the pace of change sometimes seems frustratingly slow, progress is being made, says Blackwell. We're four years on from #MeToo and still listening to women's stories, "but we're 4,000 years from a place where women couldn't tell their stories. When you say why isn't more happening – the fact that anything is happening is miraculous."

Both women welcome the publication of the Department of Justice-commissioned Domestic, Sexual and Gender-Based Violence (DSGBV) audit this week, which found that the State's strategy is "deficient in many ways". It criticises the failure to build "a culture of joint problem-solving" and deficits in policy, funding for services and the absence of data.

"It is vital that Government agencies, gardaí, and the justice system have the full resources they need to address" the issues that give rise to DSGBV, said Madigan, who highlighted the work being carried out by the Department of Justice on a third national strategy.

Her top priorities include action based on the 45 recommendations made by the Citizens' Assembly on gender equality, an increased provision of emergency accommodation for those escaping DSGBV; a referendum to replace article 41.2 in the Constitution to "give a clear and loud signal … that women are equal"; a legal system that makes sure "that victims do not feel re-traumatised".

The root causes of sexual violence need to tackled, including violent porn which is "hugely damaging to us as women" and should not be normalised, she believes. The sex education curriculum "should reinforce the importance of consent" and a culture of respect for women needs to be fostered from a young age.

For Blackwell there are three top priorities. "The absolute top would be that those who experience sexual violence of any sort have access to all of the services that they need.

"Item number two would be that for those who carry it out, there are there are adverse consequences for them.

"The third is that there is an extensive programme of awareness, learning about healthy relationships and consensual sexual activity, at school, in society, in workplaces, wherever it is. You can't just do one of the three."

Madigan believes the biggest shift of all has to occur in society.

"Why are too many victims not coming forward? Why are they not reporting their cases to gardaí? What does that say about how we are bringing up our children?... Stories are the most powerful tools to change minds on social issues."

Finally, it is worth saying that though many of the accounts below are distressing and difficult reading, help is available. If you are in a position to report your assault, you should report it.

You can contact the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre National 24-Hour Helpline at 1800 77 8888 for a free and confidential listening and support service. A full list of support services around Ireland is available at rapecrisishelp.ie.

All of the stories below are republished with permission, and each individual was contacted directly. Some preferred to remain anonymous, and some chose to be identified by their first name only. All identities are known to the journalist.

Anonymous

I was 14 when I was sexually assaulted by my next-door neighbour. He was 65 years old. Back then in 2000, there was never a mention of sexual violence in Ireland. My parents made a complaint to the Garda. The case was prosecuted, resulting in a conviction and prison sentence which was minimal in comparison to the impact the assault had on my life. Despite the fact I was a minor and that the case was heard in camera, in rural Ireland seldom do you...