My partner and I moved abroad more than 10 years ago as expats. We are both 40. We are planning to move back home to Ireland in the next year. While abroad, my partner has become increasingly right wing conservative in his world view, mostly I believe as a response to the cultural climate of the country that we currently live in. Unfortunately, he now waxes lyrical about how Ireland is acquiescing to the whims of the "woke mob" and has expressed to me that he does not think he will be able to adjust to life back at home as even his elderly parents are horrified about his newfound love of conspiracy theories and autocrats. Recently, a conversation between my partner and my own father went totally off the rails, when my partner rudely mocked my dad for expressing concerns about the influence of the alt right during the Dublin riots. My partner was never like this when he lived in Ireland, he was definitely more moderate if not socially liberal. I am more left of centre and cannot have a reasonable discussion with him about politics, abortion, LGBTQ topics etc without him becoming defensive and exhorting me to "open my eyes to the truth". My partner is a great person otherwise, and I love him dearly. He has a kind and gentle side, which is being buried by all this nonsense. I am terrified of my partner embarrassing himself in front of our friends and family when we move back to Ireland. I desperately want him to revert to the person he was before we immigrated. It makes me so sad. Any advice
Your partner and I do not align politically and would likely end up arguing over a dinner table, would the occasion ever arise. I'm explicitly stating this because I'm not going to pretend that my answer is unbiased. I'm also flagging that anyone who uses the word "woke" as a pejorative will likely not appreciate this column (or my thoughts generally) and so in the interest in saving those people time and rising blood pressure, I'm giving them the chance to bail now and go read anything else in the world.
Disclaimers completed, so back to you, dear Letter Writer.
This may be a deal-breaker that ends your relationship, which I think you know. Some people are happy being with partners who hold very different political opinions — but that's not the relationship you signed up for. Your partner has changed drastically over time, and his changed values, ways of thinking, and modes of interacting no longer feel compatible with what you want in a partner. Remove the specifics of...
